High School Teachers at CERN
WWW.CERN.CH	TEACHING MATERIALS VISITING CERN	LINKS & BOOKS HST

HST 2000 Jokes.

STOP PRESS!!!!!! High School Teachers discover Higgs Boson!!!!!!!

Heisenberg is stopped by the police, driving his car.
Said the policeman: "Do you know how fast you are going?"
Said Heisenberg: "No, but I know exactly where I am." 

Eight ways to use a barometer to find the height of a building:

   1.Measure the height of the barometer. Scale the side of the building, measuring its height in barometer-units.
   2.Drop the barometer from the top of the building. Measure the time until it hits the street. Correcting for the mass/surface ratio of the instrument, use basic acceleration equation to find the height.
   3.Tie string to top of barometer. Lower from roof to almost ground.
Swing. Period of pendulum can be used to find distance from barometer's Center of Gravity to top of building.
   4.Tie a long cable to the barometer and lower it from the top of the building to the ground, and then measure the length of the cable. 
   5.Take the barometer outside on a sunny day, measure its shadow and the buildings shadow.
   6.Drop the barometer from the top of the building. Measure how far was it shifted by Corriolis force. The rest is trivial.
   7.Sell the barometer. Purchase a tape measure long enough to measure the height of the building.
   8.Find someone who knows how tall the building is, and trade him the barometer for the information.

Modern Technology.

In the classroom the teacher asked the pupils about the professions of their fathers. Joe said: "My father is a medical doctor, he helps sick people." "That's very honorable!" Peter said: "My father is an engineer, he builds houses for people." "That is very honorable, too!" Moritz said: " My father is dancing in a gayclub."
Silence...
During the break the teacher asked Moritz: "Is that true ?" "No, of course not, but we feel ashamed because my father works for MS..."

1. An atom walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "I can't believe it; I lost an electron today." The bartender says: "Are you positive?"
 
2. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender how much it is. The bartender says: "For you, no charge."

3. An electron walks into a bar, slumps down on the stool and starts moaning about how bad a day he has had. The bartender says, "Cheer up buddy. Stop being so negative."

Poems. 

There was a young fellow called Bright 
Who could travel faster than light 
He went out one day 
In a relative way 
And came back the previous night 

There was a young fellow named Frisk 
Whose fencing was exceptionally brisk 
So fast was his action 
The Fitzgerald Contraction 
Reduced his rapier to a disk 

Billy was a chemist 
Billy is no more 
For what he thought was H20 
Was H2SO4 

To be or not to be? That is the question! 
And Uncle Albert answered: [4b**2]**(1/2) 
Please forgive the equality: (not = -) but without this there is no joke. 

and here is the clue..... 

=|2b|=2b or ñ2b 
in other words: two b or not two b 
in other words to be or not to be 
the sound is the same (more or less)